Last-Minute Coconut Macaroons

I don't want to alarm you, but tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Are you prepared? Is anyone going to know how much you like them? Is anyone going to know how much you don't like them by seeing you hand out gifts to others? That opportunity doesn't come along often.

If you've got 30 minutes and 6 basic ingredients, you can shower your pals with toasty, coconutty, chocolatey love. I don't suggest saying that to them directly, though. It's a little weird.

Chocolate Coconut Macaroons

• 2/3 cup all-purpose flour
• 5 1/2 cups flaked sweetened coconut (not shredded!)
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 can (14 ounces) sweetened condensed milk
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract 
• 1 bag chocolate chips (semisweet or dark)

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line cookie sheets with parchment paper or aluminum foil.
2. In a large bowl, stir together the flour, coconut and salt. Stir in the sweetened condensed milk and vanilla using your hands until well blended. Use an ice cream scoop to drop dough onto the prepared cookie sheets. Cookies should be about golf ball size. Cover and refrigerate for about 15 minutes.
3. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes in the preheated oven, until coconut is toasted.
4.  Melt the chocolate chips in a microwavable bowl in 30-second intervals, stirring in between. Either dip your macaroons directly into the chocolate or transfer it to a plastic bag and snip off one tip for drizzling. Chill until set.

Valentine's Day is Only Terrible if You Are

Admittedly, I understand very little about people and why they are the way they are. I do not claim to be an expert on the human psyche or the different ethos and pathos that go into the formation of our principles and opinions. But I do know this: people who hate Valentine's day are wrong. The straightforward, yes or no, black & white kind of wrong. If they were on a game show and the question was "do you like Valentine's day?" and their answer was no, they would be eliminated without a consolation prize.

Below are the three most common excuses from Valentine haters, followed by the simplest way to tell them how absurdly wrong they are. 

1. "It's a Hallmark holiday." If by this you mean you don't like the idea of a large company profiting from nice gestures, then I urge you to take an economics class. But regardless of how silly that idea is on its own, let's indulge it. If you really just don't want Hallmark to "exploit" your feelings, here's an idea: don't buy anything from them. Make a card yourself on homegrown hemp paper and give it to your concerned mother. Or even better, support a small local business. Go buy cookies from your local bakery or get fresh flowers from an independent florist. Be less miserable.

2. "I can show ____ that I love them any day!" Is this an actual reason to dislike the idea of slightly raising the bar once a year? Does anyone who says this actually do it? Do I need to explain the flawed logic? (Answers: yes, no, maybe but I won't.)

3. "I don't need to be reminded that I'm single." There is no better way to tell your friends and family exactly how irrelevant they are than to use this line right here. Nothing beats it. Sorry lifelong BFF, I can only show you I care under the condition that I am head over heels in love with somebody I just met. I would get you an apology card, but I don't like Hallmark.

I'll have a happier Valentine's Day post up at some point. More glitter, less bitter! :)

Supporting small business: grabbing heart-shaped cookies from the Batter Bakery kiosk.

Supporting small business: learning calligraphy from Laura Hooper for handwritten valentines.

Making Gimme Some Oven's chocolate chip cookies for Dad, even though we have them all the time.

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Life-Changing Chocolate Cupcakes

People are generally surprised to learn that I go bat shit crazy for Valentine's Day. It is one of very few days of the year when I break out of my indifferent-at-best attitude and try to show each person I encounter that I appreciate their existence. These cupcakes are how I do that.

The dark chocolate ganache on these cupcakes is a BIG deal. You can and will become addicted. You know that song "This is What Dreams are Made of" by Hillary Duff? She wrote that about this stuff. It's a really great way to keep people around, like boyfriends and other people with taste buds.

Last year's awesome batch

You will need:
1 Box dark chocolate cake mix (I used Pillsbury)
1 Cup heavy whipping cream
4oz Dark chocolate bar, at least 60% cacao
4oz White chocolate bar
1 Cup dark chocolate chips
4 Tsp Corn syrup
Red food coloring
Sprinkles (optional but always a good idea)


Mix up your cake batter as directed on the box. Place cupcake wrappers in each tin, fill halfway, then add some chocolate chips and finish filling. This will ensure that they won't all sink to the bottom while they bake. Give the tin a good shake to even them all out and help them bake evenly! Pop them into the oven for the recommended time.

Meanwhile, make your life-changing chocolate ganache. Chop up your dark chocolate and white chocolate bars separately and place each into separate bowls that will be good for dipping. Pour the heavy whipping cream into a small pot and cook over medium heat. Bring it just to a boil and turn the heat off. Pour half of it over the dark chocolate and the other half over the white. Stir each with a fork until you have beautiful, smooth liquid chocolate. Add 2 teaspoons of corn syrup to each bowl and add 3-4 drops of red food coloring to the white chocolate. Stir again, then allow to set for about 10 minutes.

Are your cupcakes done yet? Of course they are, this is the internet and you're reading at your own pace. Let them cool completely.

Once they're cool, you're ready to start dipping! This is where the magic happens. You will never frost cupcakes faster in your entire life. Just grab a cupcake and dip the top straight into the dark chocolate ganche. While removing it from the ganache, give it a little spin to keep the dripping to a minimum. It's a good idea to pop them into the fridge to set.

Now it's time to decorate! You can be as lazy or as detailed as you want. The pink ganache makes a great decorating tool; you can either dip your cupcakes into it for a double-dipped look, put it into a piping bag with any tip your heart desires, or drizzle it on. Sadly, I realized I was out of Valentine sprinkles in the middle of making these, so I went with simple white pearls. Please outdo me.

Andrew is "not a sweets person" (WTS?) but even he can't resist these cupcakes, so I'll definitely be making more for Valentine's Day. And maybe every day after that. Who's with me?!