Sunday, February 9, 2014

Valentine's Day is Only Terrible if You Are

Admittedly, I understand very little about people and why they are the way they are. I do not claim to be an expert on the human psyche or the different ethos and pathos that go into the formation of our principles and opinions. But I do know this: people who hate Valentine's day are wrong. The straightforward, yes or no, black & white kind of wrong. If they were on a game show and the question was "do you like Valentine's day?" and their answer was no, they would be eliminated without a consolation prize.

Below are the three most common excuses from Valentine haters, followed by the simplest way to tell them how absurdly wrong they are. 

1. "It's a Hallmark holiday." If by this you mean you don't like the idea of a large company profiting from nice gestures, then I urge you to take an economics class. But regardless of how silly that idea is on its own, let's indulge it. If you really just don't want Hallmark to "exploit" your feelings, here's an idea: don't buy anything from them. Make a card yourself on homegrown hemp paper and give it to your concerned mother. Or even better, support a small local business. Go buy cookies from your local bakery or get fresh flowers from an independent florist. Be less miserable.

2. "I can show ____ that I love them any day!" Is this an actual reason to dislike the idea of slightly raising the bar once a year? Does anyone who says this actually do it? Do I need to explain the flawed logic? (Answers: yes, no, maybe but I won't.)

3. "I don't need to be reminded that I'm single." There is no better way to tell your friends and family exactly how irrelevant they are than to use this line right here. Nothing beats it. Sorry lifelong BFF, I can only show you I care under the condition that I am head over heels in love with somebody I just met. I would get you an apology card, but I don't like Hallmark.

I'll have a happier Valentine's Day post up at some point. More glitter, less bitter! :)


Supporting small business: grabbing heart-shaped cookies from the Batter Bakery kiosk.

Supporting small business: learning calligraphy from Laura Hooper for handwritten valentines.
Making Gimme Some Oven's chocolate chip cookies for Dad, even though we have them all the time.

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